A story that will be understood

Chloe Lappin, student leader 

Since my early teens, I knew that something was wrong. I knew that upon waking up each morning life was becoming an increasing burden.  I would try to counter the pain, by turning numb. If I switched to auto pilot, I could at least appear to be a ‘normal’ teenager. However, at 15 years of age my world had suddenly become colourless. Something had changed; it was as if I had lost something precious that I could never get back. I played the role of a typical, awkward teenage girl, and managed to convince myself that I was suffering from the usual teenage angst. I clung to this theory in the hope that I would one day grow out of it.

Pleasantly surprised

Agnes, staff member

I have some of the previous posts and found them so interesting. Mark you certainly have a way with words and I do hope others reading this blog sit up and take note there is a place for people to vent their worries, anxieties and perplexities here at NUIG. Why not share it on this blog or get in touch and find someone to listen to your worries.

It's ok to talk

Anon., staff member

Welcome to my first ever blog, I hope you can take something from my story. It is a very difficult story, but one with plenty of hope and a good enough ending. I am the mother of a young man with a quite a serious mental illness. It all happened when he was only 16yrs of age. Let me introduce him, he is tall, dark and very handsome. He has the most beautiful human nature and a beautiful mind. He is the eldest child in our family and highly intelligent. My son starting acting out and misbehaving at 16years of age and I assumed it was normal teenage behaviour. However as the months progressed he began to change into a very different person. He became addicted to cannabis and unfortunately suffered serious consequences ending in a lengthy stay in a psychiatric hospital. This story is about survival and how one can recover from a horrific and traumatic life event through talking.

A gentle push

Fionnuala, staff member

I have been through a crazy time. I have counted at least 20 people at work that I have broken down in front of, without a moment's notice, suddenly and inexplicably crying, not being able to pull myself together, as my whole world disintegrated around me. At least half of these people I hardly knew, except for a brief nod or hello at work. And they had simply asked me how I was. However, they had asked, and they had spoken, out loud. It was the tone of voice that broke through to me, I think, and made me speak, out loud, too. Even if I made no sense to them, or to myself, as I could not explain very well what was happening to me, I did make sounds and let out some emotion. I also admitted that something was wrong.

What's left behind

Laura, staff member

Trigger warning - suicide

I can honestly say I had a good life; I grew up in a secure bubble and never experienced hardship or adversity. I remember one occasion a few years ago, talking to my closest childhood friends about how lucky we all were to have had such a happy childhood, getting through those teenage years unscathed, loved being a student and university life, finding careers which we enjoyed, getting married and ultimately settling down. However despite the fact that my life sounded like something from a chick lit novel, I wasn’t naive to the fact that one day my bubble may burst. The big bang occurred on May 22nd 2012. It was an ordinary Tuesday morning when I received a phone call from my father telling me that my brother Conor had died. That was the moment which changed my life beyond recognition.

The walk/run talk experience

Bríd, staff member

Well don’t you just hate it when you read articles giving advice about how to help yourself feel a bit better, stay positive, or banish the blues!!! I really want to dislike the Grit Doctor who writes in the Health Supplement of the Irish Times every Tuesday, she is as her title suggests tough and gritty and I could imagine that if she was standing behind you that you would experience such a kick up the posterior that it may land you into next week! However, sometimes her words resonate and when she talks about running in such a positive light, helping to keep the body fit, clear the head, raise the endorphins and having that feel good factor to name but a few, it does make a lot of sense.

Normality

Anon., student

Trigger warning - self harm

A lot people in the college don't actually know me. So first I am a 23 year old girl, a single mum to a 2 year old girl and a full time career to my 27 year old brother as well as full time student..

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14, I was self harming. I started self harming on my legs as no one would be able to see then I started on my arms. I started self harming when my sister had died in a car accident as I felt there was no one listening to me and hurting myself released any pain I had for a few minutes.

Letting go to move forward

Shauna, staff member

My story with depression started when my 1st child was born but if I were honest it started further back than that. If anybody told me that I would feel indifferent or distant from my beautiful and vulnerable little baby I would have told them they were crazy to say such a thing, but unfortunately that is exactly what happened, I could feel nothing but absolute sadness and helplessness and resentment as to why I had to take care of my baby. I didn’t dare tell anyone how I felt as I thought that I would lose my husband and lose my baby. I knew about post natal depression but I didn’t think for once that I was suffering with it. I thought that I was a horrible person for thinking such selfish thoughts never thinking for once that there could be something wrong with my mental state.

Depression olympics

Mark Laherty, Student Leader

There was this music building in my old boarding school. It was the one place where nobody was likely to find you, where the pace of the day didn’t feel so tightly wound. It was two years ago, give or take a few days, when I ducked in there and curled up in the corner for half an hour.

On the rare occasion that mainstream media decides to show mental illness, it does so through some major attention-grabbing demonstration, like bursting into tears, or a big long self-loathing monologue. Hell, most of the time, all we have are Batman villains written to have funny stares and no empathy. All this is, of course, hardly a reflection of reality. By all means, people do break down and burst into tears, but it’s not the only way that someone can break.